This may be the last time anyone wants to read my blog. I know people read blogs to be amused, or entertained, or educated or whatnot. But the point of a blog is for the blogger to vent, really. And hey, if I'm going to write a blog it's going to be honest if nothing else.
I know this is normally the day where I'd post some cute pictures of my family opening gifts, or tell some cute Christmas anecdotes about my holiday. The truth is, my Christmas kind of stunk.
First of all, I can't seem to shake the baby blues. I don't even want to entertain the thought that maybe I've ventured past the blues into the murky waters of full blown postpartum depression. But the thought has crossed my mind. I cry at the drop of a hat, and I can't think of anything to look forward to.
Abby is a great baby. When I burst into tears in front of my husband's aunt on Christmas Day (can there be anything more embarassing than crying in front of someone you only see three times a year?!) she grabbed the Kleenex, and over my apologies asked if the baby was doing okay. The baby is great. Sure, she's fussy sometimes, but I can handle a screaming newborn.
The biggest problem right now is Bella, my beautiful two year old. We were having some slight behavioural problems before, but since the baby got here, actually in the past 10 days or so, things have detiorated expotentially.
When I say 'temper tantrums' people picture a little kicking and screaming. Please. That would be a cakewalk. Her behavior becomes - very suddenly and without warning- utterly defiant. She stops her foot and screams "No! Don't want to!" at us, she slams her bedroom door, screams and cries, etc. And nothing seems to be effective as far a discipline. Spanking doesn't work. Time out doesn't work because she won't stay on the chair where we put her. Taking away toys/movies doesn't work. It's like an episode of Nanny 911 in the making.
To be honest, I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do, and as a mother that is devastating. My family/friends are at a loss, too, no one really knows what to do. And their sympathetic comments just make me cry, even though I know they mean well. When someone says to me, "It's just a phase she'll outgrow, it's not you, you're a good mother!" , my immediate thought is, "Really? I have a two year old I cannot control! How can I possibly be a good mother?!"
So basically Christmas Eve morning was ruined by a 'temper tantrum', or rather what I've decided to call 'the uglies'. Christmas Day they struck again at my grandmothers, and again at my husbands' aunt's house. This afternoon? You guessed it. The uglies.
I'm just at a loss as to how you're supposed to parent a child that you cannot discipline effectively. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, wondering if every time I tell her 'no', or ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, 'the uglies' are going to surface.
I'm going to call the pediatrician on Monday and see if she has any suggestions or knows anyone I can talk to, anyone that might be able to help. And then I'm going to call my OB-GYN and tell her I've been on a three week crying jag and can't seem to shake it. And I'm hoping someone can help.
Most of all I'm praying really hard and asking God to help me, because in the end He's really the only one who can.
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I hope it's ok to share my 2 cents. ;)
ReplyDeleteFirst, you are correct that you need to talk to your doctor about the "baby blues." Depression is not something to take lightly. Trust me, I've been there. So much better to talk about it and get advice from your doctor now than to wait until it's too hard.
Second, I have a very strong willed 3 year old. ;) She is my "tough" baby. Has been since she was born. I don't have all the answers and I am constantly having to adapt as she grows. I love her so much. She makes me laugh every day but at the same time, there are days when I have to take a time out myself. A couple of things I have done with her that seem to work.......
I take away privileges. She really likes tv time and if she is showing her ugly side even after warnings, I take away tv for a certain amount of time. This works with whatever is important to her at the moment. Some days she doesn't care about tv so I have to just read her and see what to take away....like a trip to the bank and she doesn't get a sucker or a trip to grandmas but she doesn't get a treat at grandma's house. It's hard to follow through (because she usually screams a fit) but after enough loss of privileges, she gets the idea.
When we are home, sometimes it would work if I would leave the room when she would throw a tantrum. She would get mad about something and start carrying on and I would go in my room at the end of the hall. I could still hear her but she couldn't see me. Many times if there was no one to scream for, she would stop.
Time Out. Now she will sit in time out but in the beginning, I had to buckle her into her high chair and turn on a timer. I couldn't get her to sit in a spot on her own and this worked for me. We have a portable booster chair that we could take with us for time out. Sounds horrible but seriously, you do what you have to do. ;) Now, when we put her in time out (and we use the same spot every time) she will sit there until her time is up. She doesn't always sit quietly but at least she is following the time out rule.
Many trips to the store, a restaurant, someone's house, etc. have included a trip to the car to sit buckled in the car seat for time out. We haven't had to do that in awhile but oh golly, we used to have to do it all the time. She had to learn self control and sometimes being taken away from the situation was all that would help her regain composure. Once she assured us that she was ok and ready to act human again, we would go back to where we left off.
The important thing is whatever the warning includes, "If you continue to do _________ then ____________ is going to happen." You have to follow through with it. Every. Single. Time. and that is HARD to do sometimes.
Do NOT judge yourself as a mother based on your 2 year old's actions!! I have raised each of my three children pretty much the same way and only one of them so far has needed all this extra attention regarding discipline. LOL Kid wears me out! Three years and I'm still waiting for the day she outgrows it. ;) j/k I have come to embrace the fact that her personality is different than her brother and sister, and it's ok. We do things differently with her. Our directions are softer, we brace ourselves when we know we're going to upset her, we get through each day and start new the next. Her love and snuggles are just as sweet as the other two.
You have my e-mail. ;) I'm praying for your family. Peace and Patience each day.
Rebecca